NSFW Language: Save being an Asshole for when it counts:

"Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection" (itsalwayssteve) 11/05/2013 at 12:41 • Filed to: None

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First, have a car, because Raymond Loewy's birthday:

So, I drank a little bit on Saturday night at my father-in-law's birthday party. My tongue got loose. Sometime during the night, my father-in-law's girlfriend (who is an oompa-loompa orange biker bitch of about 45) started picking on my wife's baby sister (who is 18 and a high school senior.)

She made my sister-in-law cry so it was time to make her cry. I let loose with a torrent of insults, including "Bitch, you are the ugliest, stupidest person I've ever met. You bring as much happiness into the world as a used rape kit. You're so dirty that, when you take your panties off, your pussy coughs! (followed by loud, obnoxious coughing)"

She looked shocked and reared back to slap me. My father-in-law held her back. Her trashy friends reacted either with uproarious laughter or utter shock.

My father in law nearly fell over laughing after she stomped off. Baby sister laughed so hard she had to run to the bathroom. Then my wife dragged me out of there and we headed home.

It was a successful night.

Casper > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 11/05/2013 at 12:43

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This sounds like a Pabst Blue Ribbon party if I ever heard one...

The man in the iron mask > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 11/05/2013 at 12:46

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lol what did i just read, anyways, well done

PS9 > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 11/05/2013 at 12:48

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Nice takedown. I don't usually engage assholes in their own language though. I just remove them from my life. Life is too short for me to tolerate shitty people.

EL_ULY > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 11/05/2013 at 12:53

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McMike > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 11/05/2013 at 13:36

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I hate/love it when it comes to this sometimes.

I can usually step in, take the attention away from the person being picked on, and defuse it immediately - with little harm to either sides. If I'm lucky, I can get a little smirk from the people on my side, and a little embarrassment out of the antagonist.

Very rarely do I have to take the, "OH WE GON BURN SOME BRIDGES UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER!" attitude.

Pro tip: Never give me an audience.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > McMike 11/05/2013 at 13:55

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At that point I had a serious case of the fuckits. She's really just an unpleasant person — loud and ignorant — and had been abusive toward the lil sis for a while now. It's sad when a grown woman goes all "Mary Kate-and Ashley movie villain," on her boyfriend's daughter.

McMike > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 11/05/2013 at 14:01

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She sounds horrible.

wacopalypsenow > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 11/05/2013 at 15:12

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So I'm confused? Did you bang the little sister too?